The other day, a friend of mine asked me what I think about the size of Instagram. As I'm very active on it and follow some of the platform's heavy hitters, I answered that I think the platform is huge because of so many users having accounts on there and actively using them. In response, this friend of mine said that I'm not even close if I take Instagram relative to the size of North American population capable of of using it- everyone 5-105 years old. As proof, he asked me to imagine what it would be like if, for example, at the corner of Bay and Bloor here in Toronto, a couple was arguing really loud- in a world where damn near everyone is on Instagram and fairly active as well. You would have almost every single person around them whip out a camera phone and record the argument to post in their stories, live stream for attention, or simply post with tons of provocative hashtags. Imagine- dozens of people pointing their cameras in the same direction. Now, imagine that happening for anything even mildly interesting in public. Everywhere you turn, you see phones being held up like in some dystopian future scenario. Truth be told, I found that unsettling, but also highly probable and just around the corner. The social media platforms keep growing, and photos and videos are their main sharing medium. The more they grow, the more privacy pulls back- privacy of both actions and words. People's arguments, bad hair days, strong personal beliefs, and so much more will be broadcast to the world, exposing them to criticism, ridicule, shaming and worse. Cyber bullying and mob mentality will grow stronger, and with that physical altercations, murder and especially suicide rates will increase. Worst of all, no one will be spared, least of all in big cities. So, how will we deal with this as a society? The only way, in my mind, is a sort of a multi-part honesty and tolerance evolution of our modern North American society.
Let me explain. :)
Up until now, group-based and individual privacy have helped us pick who gets what access level of information about us. If the wrong information goes to the wrong people, especially online, you get cyber bullying, groups ganging up on you, shaming and threats of violence in the real world. This, sadly, has been the norm everywhere- including North America. Every single private things that becomes public gets served up to the court of the public opinion, and consequences can be devastating. With that said, let's get the first thing clear. In a modern, individualistic society, there is no court of public opinion, and this expression should no longer be used! There is a melting pot of opinions, there are competing groups with their systems of values, beliefs and hallmark opinions. That's about it. If someone expresses strong opinions and it ends up online, some people will agree and others will disagree. That's not a unified public opinion. Also, if someone slips and falls on ice and a video of that ends up going online, some people will laugh, others will say ouch, and others yet will say what a clumsy person and that's all there is to it. The second thing is that shaming, threats of violence and gang mentality are all attempts to identify weakness in someone and use it to attack them in order to make yourself feel better, stronger, more virtuous and so on. In reality, there is only one thing every single one of those people is doing- attacking perceived weaknesses in others to misdirect the public away from their own moral, physical, mental and other shortcomings.
This is where honesty comes in. While all of us differ in our values, skills, abilities, interests and so on, what we need to be honest about is that all of us are constant work in progress with so many things that need fixing. It's a fact of life. Being honest with oneself in this way is the first part of the type of honesty needed to show common sense, empathy and at least some restraint as more and more private matters become public due to social media platforms' growth. The second part of the required honesty is to be brave about it, to be strong and confident and own whatever ended up online that people want to use to find your weaknesses. Imagine, for example, if there was a video of someone saying stupid things when they are drunk. The brave honesty is to say so what, don't freakin' deny saying stupid things after having a few. Argued in public? Damn, as if no one ever argues- ever. Also, imagine being able to come to work and talk about how much you partied and drank over the weekend. Yes, if you party and drink and have fun, well so do so many others and they work everywhere. What's the point of anyone overreacting to it or weighing it against your future at your workplace? Ridiculous, isn't it?
This is where we come to the second part of the equation- a new level of tolerance. If you want people to be bravely honest in the public sphere increasingly taken over by social media, and you want the bullying and shaming to stop, you need to tolerate such brave honesty at the level never before seen in the world. What is tolerance anyways? It's not loving everything about everyone, it's simply restraining your response to things about other people that are outside of your life experience and value system. It also includes the elimination of trying to get people to forcibly convert to your view of things as soon as they honestly express their own. Finally, this new level of tolerance includes a focus on having a balanced conversation where people properly ask, answer and listen to each other if they're curious about things they reveal through radical honesty. If conversations are about exploration and suggestion and without extreme prejudice and conversion attempts, the shaming and threats of violence will become reserved perhaps for only the worst things out there, .like a person caught on video viciously killing someone.
Why does this matter? Well, imagine a large company with an office floor and a new employee going around for orientation and to meet co-workers. Typically in these situations, a HR person likes to get people to say their name and something about themselves. For example: " Hi I'm Josh and I've been with the company for 3 years, graduated from such and such school etc." Now, imagine this. Hi, I'm Janice and I'm addicted to going out on Thursday nights because I'm single and guys who didn't get laid last week and can't wait until Friday are so extra grateful on Thursdays. Hi, I'm Mike and I know I'm fat but I love food and am not ready to go on a diet quite yet. Hi, I'm Sarah and I don't drink at office parties because I recovered from alcoholism 3 years ago and want to keep sober, so don't ask me to drink and we'll be best friends forever. Hi, I'm John and whenever we go to a pub and I don't want to eat carbs or drink beer for that matter, don't tell me it's gonna be ok to do it because I'll send you where the sun don't shine. How awesome is all of that?! Most of us go to school, work, like a show and a band and on and on and on- that literally says nothing about us as people. My wacky coworker introductions are the real deal because they're radically honest, they give you an inkling about what the person is really like, and they are strong, confident and full of energy- if combined with that new level of tolerance. There is a sense of relief in this. Admit it, if you had a choice, you'd share something private and defining about you instead of that fake and pointless introduction. Also, you would find like-minded people in the office a lot faster and make really good friends. Finally, if someone was radically different from you in ways that interest you, you would know who they are and you could explore those differences through conversation.
Yes, yes I know we are not there yet, but we are slowly moving in that direction. It is a journey we need to complete before social media platforms eliminate most of our privacy. Sure, some people may say well let's go against social media companies; let's create this huge uproar and make them crash and burn. The problem is that not enough people want out, and more and more want in. Once everyone's eyes are on everyone, only brave honesty and next level tolerance will ensure the survival of our modern society, making us stronger in the process and eliminating the shaming, bulling and missionary mechanisms of the past.