The Japanese culture has, for a long time, been a world-class fusion of modernist forward thinking and traditional values and experiences that stretch back over numerous centuries. I never knew much about it until I met people who studied their culture and history in universities; now, I sort of understand why they are the canary in the coal mine of how the future of Western societies will take shape. Having said that, an important part of of the Japanese cultural narrative is the disparity and the interplay of an individual's honne (true self) and tatmaetemae (public self). It has been theorized that, due to a tighter knit hierarchical structure of the Japanese nation that is geographically small but has a big population, individuals needed to ensure a good place in society and the best possible outcome of dealing with each other by developing a public persona that is in line with their current place in life and their aspirations. If you were a feudal lord, you had to act like one in public full-time and believably so. The same went for merchants, artisans, farmers and so on. In doing so, you were insulating yourself from scandals and social demotions, protecting your life and property, and doing your best to ensure things become even better for you in the future. Essentially, you would embody a persona based on a decentralized, unwritten code of conduct. This was your tatemae. In private, however, you lived according to your honne- who you truly are. For example, you may be a feudal lord who is required to lead and dominate, but you may prefer to be submissive in the bedroom and let your wife take charge. You may be a merchant who needs to be seen as fiscally responsible, but you may enjoy gambling a lot. The examples go on and on. This persists even today, in the modern Japanese society on all its levels.
Here's where it gets interesting for the West. The Western values typically revolve around being genuine, fully true to yourself, following your passions and who you truly are, and whatever happens- happens; you'll find your way in life. Put a limit on this even a tiny bit, and people rebel big time (especially in adolescence and teenage years). This has been fine for decades, but in the last 20 years or so it began to change- especially with proliferation of social media. Social media profiles have intertwined with real life to such an extent that they can affect it and change the lives of individuals and groups- sometimes for the better. Many people in modern Western countries such as our own (Canada), have tried to apply the ideas of freedom and being true to yourself to their social media presence; they were met with hostility, alienation, job loss, businesses going bankrupt, social polarization, divorce and oh so much more. In fact, this is still ongoing as news about it come up almost daily (Canada, USA, UK). Along with that, however, we see something new happening as well- a reaction of sorts. People in the West are learning their own version of honne and tatemae because of social media, more so than due to any other factor. Our social media presence, for sure, has become our version of tatemae- a carefully crafted public persona with a complex set of goals in mind. It is polished, ambitious, and presents as best as possible in the public eye. However, I think we are going one step further than the Japanese. As more of us begin to see the benefits of having good tatemae and what it can do for us, we keep doing it more hours of every day, and it's gaining ground on our honne without stopping. In the end, I think our honne will be limited only to the closest circle of people around us, and will exist only a few hours of each day; the rest will be taken over by tatemae.
This, dearest readers, is a problem. Even the Japanese people, who have in fact learned over the centuries to deal with the psychological rift between honne and tatemae, often struggle with this duality of self and this fuels a lot of their movies, shows, manga, anime and social narrative. For us in the West, it will certainly prove to be too much, too fast. There will be many people (and probably already are) who will experience mental and emotional instability, anxiety, severe stress and mental breakdowns because of this. When you're used to your tatemae being very similar to your honne, making them separate and different is like going on a keto diet after a week (or even a lifetime) of pastry binge. You will get worse before you get better- that's for sure...
On the other hand, there is something good that comes out of this. If you fully embrace the concept of honne and tatemae (as most of us in the West eventually will), you are bound to see definite benefits. First, this concept reaffirms personal privacy and the separation of the private and the professional life. You can be whoever you want to be in private, and be who you have to be in public, while firmly understanding it's ok for those two to be different- even completely different and this should not bother you in the least. Second, you get to do what you have to do in order to succeed without reflecting it back to who you are as a person and with your family and friends. Third, you can compartmentalize more easily, so that public/professional life doesn't spill into your personal life and vice versa. Fourth, you can choose to car only about someone's honne or tatemae- you don't have to care about or accept both.
This fourth point, dearest readers, is the most powerful one for us in the West because embracing it can revolutionize how we deal with each other. Even though we're not supposed to, we always try to infer something about people's private self through their public persona and vice versa. This is hugely inefficient, redundant and consequently often a waste of time and energy. There are very few people in your life that you have to care about in terms of both their private and public self. As for everyone else, you can focus just on honne or tatemae and truly disregard and not care about inferring one from the other. This would lead to more objectivity, meritocracy and better performance in the workplace, as well as closer, higher quality relationships in our personal lives. Think about it for a moment based on your own life experiences, and you will see this is truly the case.
I hope you found this one an enjoyable, informative read everyone. If you already use some form of honne and tatemae in your life, share your experiences if you'd like. Until next time ;)