Dearest readers, I know- culture is changing at the speed of light (yes I know it is a unit of distance haha). How on earth is anyone out there supposed to know what the best set of rules is when it comes to relationships? Yes, most people out there are a little lost on this. Now, when you are casually dating you can mess up all you want and ignore all sorts of flags, red or otherwise. However, once you decide to live together, this is a whole 'nother beast we are talking about! Crazy, just crazy! You could end up being homeless. You know, move in together without enough information, closeness, mutual empathy and a shared set of rules and values, then you break up and neither of you can pay the rent in Toronto on your own and then before you know it you are couch surfing while looking for a place you can afford... I do not like it, because this is not how you build a hard working stable populace that the Gilded Age industrialists would be proud of! ;) So, what do you do? Well, you create a set of rules that Miss Z would give a thumbs up to! :)
Here are a few.
1. Never move into a place you cannot pay for on your own long enough to find a new place; co-sign a lease so you have equal rights as tenants sharing a space. If you own a place, you are a beautiful unicorn and this rule does not apply to you, you lucky charm!
2. Have one shared bank account for rent, groceries, utilities, insurance and entertainment. Declare all credit cards and lines of credit you have, as well as balances. Remember, you moved in together and may one day get married; you need to know the debt situation. Even a single hidden credit card, regardless of balance, can be grounds for immediate breakup. I never say you should let each other see what is being bought on credit each month, but a monthly balance update for each other is the correct way to go.
3. Phone and tablet privacy. If for no other reason, then for reason of the fact we often research products, services and ideas that should be private until we are ready to share them. I never believed you should have full access of your live-in s/o's phone in order to make sure they are not cheating or something. This is not the legal system, you do not need proof. If someone acts like they are cheating, you can easily conclude they are cheating and break it off. Even if they are not cheating, they may be acting like they are increasingly saving themselves for a next person- a phenomenon that deserves its own lengthy article- and that is the same as cheating, not a Minority Report styled precog crime.
4. The right to eat completely different food, especially if you have food intolerances or certain nutritional needs to maintain your health and physique. All too often I see friends and family end up surrendering their nutritional needs and settling for a compromise with a partner who can either eat whatever they want or they do not care about nutrition. You stop that immediately! :P
5. Side by side individuality. Think for example of him playing Helldivers 2 and her listening to an audiobook while browsing Shein (yes, cliches but so what?).
6. Masturbation. :p This one is a pretty new idea for many, but gentlemen come on, if the week is busy and there is not enough energy to have sex, and haha seriously now not even enough energy to masturbate together or rub each other, then you are free to do it in front of each other or not, using whatever you like to use. This, seriously, is no more intrusive than using the toilet with the door open which, ugh, too many people do! So, if you really need to cum, you need to do it and have fun in the process. ;)
7. The entirety of a process. People would call it cleaning up after yourself, but that is an old and tired expression and it triggers a lot of people. Here is how I see it. A home meal is not done until the table is cleared and dishes are taken care of. A shave is not finished until the trimmings and hairs are cleaned up... and so on. :)
8. Closet space for the guys is not an afterthought.
9. Chores are not a team sport; I am a strong supporter of division of labour based on skills and reasonable energy levels expectations after work and gym are done.
10. Make effort to learn together how to entertain at home cheaper, easier and more efficient so it does not require too much effort, too many arguments and a pile of leftovers.
I cannot and will not cover everything in just ten rules, but it is a sexy little number for articles like this one. If you dislike these- hey- live and let live. If you like these but think you cannot get any s/o who moves in with you to agree to these, remember one thing. If you cannot get them to agree to these rules, you will agree to live by theirs- and you may not like who you become in the process. ;)
Until next time, my sweet gents.
Mwah! :)
Here are a few.
1. Never move into a place you cannot pay for on your own long enough to find a new place; co-sign a lease so you have equal rights as tenants sharing a space. If you own a place, you are a beautiful unicorn and this rule does not apply to you, you lucky charm!
2. Have one shared bank account for rent, groceries, utilities, insurance and entertainment. Declare all credit cards and lines of credit you have, as well as balances. Remember, you moved in together and may one day get married; you need to know the debt situation. Even a single hidden credit card, regardless of balance, can be grounds for immediate breakup. I never say you should let each other see what is being bought on credit each month, but a monthly balance update for each other is the correct way to go.
3. Phone and tablet privacy. If for no other reason, then for reason of the fact we often research products, services and ideas that should be private until we are ready to share them. I never believed you should have full access of your live-in s/o's phone in order to make sure they are not cheating or something. This is not the legal system, you do not need proof. If someone acts like they are cheating, you can easily conclude they are cheating and break it off. Even if they are not cheating, they may be acting like they are increasingly saving themselves for a next person- a phenomenon that deserves its own lengthy article- and that is the same as cheating, not a Minority Report styled precog crime.
4. The right to eat completely different food, especially if you have food intolerances or certain nutritional needs to maintain your health and physique. All too often I see friends and family end up surrendering their nutritional needs and settling for a compromise with a partner who can either eat whatever they want or they do not care about nutrition. You stop that immediately! :P
5. Side by side individuality. Think for example of him playing Helldivers 2 and her listening to an audiobook while browsing Shein (yes, cliches but so what?).
6. Masturbation. :p This one is a pretty new idea for many, but gentlemen come on, if the week is busy and there is not enough energy to have sex, and haha seriously now not even enough energy to masturbate together or rub each other, then you are free to do it in front of each other or not, using whatever you like to use. This, seriously, is no more intrusive than using the toilet with the door open which, ugh, too many people do! So, if you really need to cum, you need to do it and have fun in the process. ;)
7. The entirety of a process. People would call it cleaning up after yourself, but that is an old and tired expression and it triggers a lot of people. Here is how I see it. A home meal is not done until the table is cleared and dishes are taken care of. A shave is not finished until the trimmings and hairs are cleaned up... and so on. :)
8. Closet space for the guys is not an afterthought.
9. Chores are not a team sport; I am a strong supporter of division of labour based on skills and reasonable energy levels expectations after work and gym are done.
10. Make effort to learn together how to entertain at home cheaper, easier and more efficient so it does not require too much effort, too many arguments and a pile of leftovers.
I cannot and will not cover everything in just ten rules, but it is a sexy little number for articles like this one. If you dislike these- hey- live and let live. If you like these but think you cannot get any s/o who moves in with you to agree to these, remember one thing. If you cannot get them to agree to these rules, you will agree to live by theirs- and you may not like who you become in the process. ;)
Until next time, my sweet gents.
Mwah! :)