Dearest readers, for most of us in North America, colder months are coming. It's that time when we have less of a chance to go out there on a warm, sunny day and meet someone new to date. Also, with the holiday season coming in, it's more about office parties and shopping, so many guys and girls will become pickier about who they choose to go out with. This need to be more picky got me talking to about it all with my guy friends; I wanted to pick their brains about what they do to be pickier when looking for someone to date. The number one thing that came out of these half practical, half philosophical conversations is that most guys believe that the biggest waste of time is dating a girl who is just playing the field, has an aloof and ultimately superficial approach to being with someone, and is not seriously interested in anyone she's dating. Oh, and for various reasons, big cities or major hubs like Toronto seem to have many of those girls (guys too probably, but this is an article about girls, and meant for guys so that's what I'm focusing on). This got me thinking about signs- some obvious, some not so much- that a girl you're interested in dating is one of these girls. The signs I want to focus on fall under weekly patterns, general behavior and smartphone use. As a side note, some of my ideas here are a little strict and unforgiving, but as it turns out that's what it takes to err on the side of caution, gentlemen! :)
First, the weekly patterns. Most of us who have a normal life, also happen to have structure that revolves around home, work, hobbies, projects, and friends and family. I realize that's a lot to fit into a schedule for anyone out there, plus daily commute times and errands, and that this forces many people to be busy on weekends to catch up with things and people and then get some rest. However, what happens when a girl tells you she's not free on weekends most of the time, or at all? Let's cut through all sorts of story lines and excuses and simply conclude this. The best time to go out on a date or spend time together with someone is on the weekends. No amount of family, work or other responsibilities on the weekend will stop a willing, determined girl from trying to date, build a relationship and eventually get married or become a common law partner. If weekends are mostly or completely off the table, she is hiding something like a husband or a boyfriend(s), and that's that. No if's, and's or but's on this one- you'll thank yourself later. Similarly, there are girls who never have time to meet during the week, even if you promise to come to their area and take them out for a drink, coffee or a bite to eat somewhere close to where they live. Again, a similar rationale applies. A girl who is never free during the week, especially after missing a weekend date with you, is hiding something like a husband or a boyfriend. Bottom line, people who seriously want to date and get to know someone (instead of playing the field in a rather shallow way) will set aside time to properly do so. When was the last time you saw someone want something really bad and then not do what it takes to go for it? Yep, I've never seen that either.
When it comes to general behavior, I'm sure most of you seasoned daters out there know a lot of cues that tell you a girl is playing the field. So, what I'd like to do is cover a few of the more interesting ones. The first one is the lack of longer, deeper conversations and it's already been a few weeks or even months since you started dating her. No sane girl out there who wants to get serious with just one guy will ever do so without deep conversations in which she gets to know how you think, as well as what your qualities and goals are. Also, she would want to express hers to ensure you two are on the same page. Finally, a girl who wants a relationship needs to communicate her needs and hear about yours as well, because she wants to meet your needs and vice versa. If this is not happening, I suggest you enjoy the sex while it lasts, and once it stops for too long just call it quits. Or, if you want, end it sooner than that. At least when you have a better idea of what situation you're in, you have options. Another general behavior pattern is when a girl cancels a get together without discussing either immediately or soon after what other day works to meet and make up for the lost time. Not getting to see each other as agreed does in fact mean you lost time- time you could have spent advancing your relationship. If there is no attempt on her part to offer another days as a good time to spend together, then she doesn't see it as lost time and is most likely playing the field or at least thinking about it.
Finally, and this is my favorite one, we come to smartphone use. I've noticed with both my guy and girl friends that when they heavily rely on social media and dating apps for dating, their behavior is more risky and their mentality shifts more towards playing the field. But, what does smartphone use tell you about whether that new girl in your life wants to seriously date or is just playing the field? She still has Tinder on her phone even though it's been a month since you started dating? Sure, that's a big sign but it's way too easy. How about a girl who has mastered notification controls on iPhone or Android? For example, half her social media apps have notifications disabled. Or, most of them don't show up on the lock screen at all (in case of iPhone, there's only badge notifications or not even that). Or, how about an app like Fongo or Textnow that gives them a legitimate phone and text line, accompanied by a lame excuse as to why they need an app like that? Also, a girl sharing her pin with you but having apps and messages on lockdown via a third party app is a sign of trouble. My favorite one, though, is iPhone's AirDrop feature and how some girls use it. AirDrop is a feature that uses a combination of Bluetooth and WiFi to send things like photos, map locations and more very quickly to people nearby. The thing is, they don't even have to be that close or in the same room. When turning it on and specifying who to connect AirDrop with, girls who like to play the field and know this feature will set it to everyone. In a crowded commuter train, bus, traffic jam, rush hour business district or campus, people who set their AirDrop up like this can secretly send pics to random people nearby, sometimes together with Snapchat info or a phone number. This allows adventurous girls to play the field even more by sending all sorts of pics and info to random strangers they see as hot or interesting, but without getting noticed until they want to be. I'm thinking that thrill seeking of this particular kind goes with players of both sexes, actually, because no one else would set themselves up to get in touch with random strangers in this way.
I hope you found this article interesting. Maybe you know about everything I mentioned and already pay attention to it, or maybe some of this stuff is new to you. Maybe you currently aren't too concerned with it because you're not looking to date someone seriously either so it's all good. However, sooner or later you will want to get more serious, and if this article at least reaffirms for you the need to watch out for behavior patterns and cues, I'll be glad for it. Either way, dearest readers, good luck out there :)
First, the weekly patterns. Most of us who have a normal life, also happen to have structure that revolves around home, work, hobbies, projects, and friends and family. I realize that's a lot to fit into a schedule for anyone out there, plus daily commute times and errands, and that this forces many people to be busy on weekends to catch up with things and people and then get some rest. However, what happens when a girl tells you she's not free on weekends most of the time, or at all? Let's cut through all sorts of story lines and excuses and simply conclude this. The best time to go out on a date or spend time together with someone is on the weekends. No amount of family, work or other responsibilities on the weekend will stop a willing, determined girl from trying to date, build a relationship and eventually get married or become a common law partner. If weekends are mostly or completely off the table, she is hiding something like a husband or a boyfriend(s), and that's that. No if's, and's or but's on this one- you'll thank yourself later. Similarly, there are girls who never have time to meet during the week, even if you promise to come to their area and take them out for a drink, coffee or a bite to eat somewhere close to where they live. Again, a similar rationale applies. A girl who is never free during the week, especially after missing a weekend date with you, is hiding something like a husband or a boyfriend. Bottom line, people who seriously want to date and get to know someone (instead of playing the field in a rather shallow way) will set aside time to properly do so. When was the last time you saw someone want something really bad and then not do what it takes to go for it? Yep, I've never seen that either.
When it comes to general behavior, I'm sure most of you seasoned daters out there know a lot of cues that tell you a girl is playing the field. So, what I'd like to do is cover a few of the more interesting ones. The first one is the lack of longer, deeper conversations and it's already been a few weeks or even months since you started dating her. No sane girl out there who wants to get serious with just one guy will ever do so without deep conversations in which she gets to know how you think, as well as what your qualities and goals are. Also, she would want to express hers to ensure you two are on the same page. Finally, a girl who wants a relationship needs to communicate her needs and hear about yours as well, because she wants to meet your needs and vice versa. If this is not happening, I suggest you enjoy the sex while it lasts, and once it stops for too long just call it quits. Or, if you want, end it sooner than that. At least when you have a better idea of what situation you're in, you have options. Another general behavior pattern is when a girl cancels a get together without discussing either immediately or soon after what other day works to meet and make up for the lost time. Not getting to see each other as agreed does in fact mean you lost time- time you could have spent advancing your relationship. If there is no attempt on her part to offer another days as a good time to spend together, then she doesn't see it as lost time and is most likely playing the field or at least thinking about it.
Finally, and this is my favorite one, we come to smartphone use. I've noticed with both my guy and girl friends that when they heavily rely on social media and dating apps for dating, their behavior is more risky and their mentality shifts more towards playing the field. But, what does smartphone use tell you about whether that new girl in your life wants to seriously date or is just playing the field? She still has Tinder on her phone even though it's been a month since you started dating? Sure, that's a big sign but it's way too easy. How about a girl who has mastered notification controls on iPhone or Android? For example, half her social media apps have notifications disabled. Or, most of them don't show up on the lock screen at all (in case of iPhone, there's only badge notifications or not even that). Or, how about an app like Fongo or Textnow that gives them a legitimate phone and text line, accompanied by a lame excuse as to why they need an app like that? Also, a girl sharing her pin with you but having apps and messages on lockdown via a third party app is a sign of trouble. My favorite one, though, is iPhone's AirDrop feature and how some girls use it. AirDrop is a feature that uses a combination of Bluetooth and WiFi to send things like photos, map locations and more very quickly to people nearby. The thing is, they don't even have to be that close or in the same room. When turning it on and specifying who to connect AirDrop with, girls who like to play the field and know this feature will set it to everyone. In a crowded commuter train, bus, traffic jam, rush hour business district or campus, people who set their AirDrop up like this can secretly send pics to random people nearby, sometimes together with Snapchat info or a phone number. This allows adventurous girls to play the field even more by sending all sorts of pics and info to random strangers they see as hot or interesting, but without getting noticed until they want to be. I'm thinking that thrill seeking of this particular kind goes with players of both sexes, actually, because no one else would set themselves up to get in touch with random strangers in this way.
I hope you found this article interesting. Maybe you know about everything I mentioned and already pay attention to it, or maybe some of this stuff is new to you. Maybe you currently aren't too concerned with it because you're not looking to date someone seriously either so it's all good. However, sooner or later you will want to get more serious, and if this article at least reaffirms for you the need to watch out for behavior patterns and cues, I'll be glad for it. Either way, dearest readers, good luck out there :)