Dearest readers, relationships today seem more complicated than ever. We have a real heterodoxy of relationship principles systems (or relationship ideologies) that many of us believe in so strongly that it sometimes blinds us to the practical realities of our own human condition and the need for long term bonding, stability and growth. As someone who is currently in the philosophical, critically analytical stage of looking at relationships and hearing all sorts of stories from people in relationships, I would like to share some principles I have really come to understand the importance of and truly respect over time. Who knows, maybe we are on the same page about some or all of them. :)
First, I like the idea of mutual self-interest. Sitting somewhere between arranged marriage and love marriage, mutual self-interest as I see it is when two people are in love but also have not competing, but concurrent goals in life that they want to achieve side by side. I guess an example would be a loving power couple. There is a stipulation in there I particularly like, however. There is no helping each other's self-interest; you have to be competent and capable in achieving your own goals. In pursuit of individual goals together, you do exploit different boosts you may get versus going at it alone, and there should always be some loving solidarity such as in sickness, in maintaining a clean life and by offering brainstorming and words of encouragement- but that is about it.
Second, I like the idea of financial compartmentalization. The (ostensibly) only thing acceptable in the 21st century is a joint expense account and everything else stays separate. Every time I think about this I think about a quote from Archer: "(Archer) Where is the trust? (Mallory) Where is the money? :p It is not an exact match for what I am trying to convey but it always makes me giggle.
Third, I believe that couples should talk about their entire list of values, hard ones (will never change) and soft ones (willing to compromise) before they move in together. There has to be no space left for doubt that their minds, personalities and psyches can coexist before they try to do so physically. This requires honesty, refusal to be blind to facts, negotiating whatever can be negotiated, and willingness to risk breaking up once you are done with this process. You never know how your will evolve over time as individuals, how much you might grow apart, so you need to begin with the strongest possible foundation even if it means you find out you do not actually have it and break up. Better sooner than later. Chris Rock had some good bits about this one haha.
Fourth, I do not tolerate the silent treatment for longer than a few hours and I do not use it as a passive aggressive weapon that it is. I also believe that you should train that habit out of a significant other if they have it because it is the number one relationship buster out there.
As always, there is plenty more but those are a few relationship principles I hope you will find enlightened or at least thought provoking.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone. :)
First, I like the idea of mutual self-interest. Sitting somewhere between arranged marriage and love marriage, mutual self-interest as I see it is when two people are in love but also have not competing, but concurrent goals in life that they want to achieve side by side. I guess an example would be a loving power couple. There is a stipulation in there I particularly like, however. There is no helping each other's self-interest; you have to be competent and capable in achieving your own goals. In pursuit of individual goals together, you do exploit different boosts you may get versus going at it alone, and there should always be some loving solidarity such as in sickness, in maintaining a clean life and by offering brainstorming and words of encouragement- but that is about it.
Second, I like the idea of financial compartmentalization. The (ostensibly) only thing acceptable in the 21st century is a joint expense account and everything else stays separate. Every time I think about this I think about a quote from Archer: "(Archer) Where is the trust? (Mallory) Where is the money? :p It is not an exact match for what I am trying to convey but it always makes me giggle.
Third, I believe that couples should talk about their entire list of values, hard ones (will never change) and soft ones (willing to compromise) before they move in together. There has to be no space left for doubt that their minds, personalities and psyches can coexist before they try to do so physically. This requires honesty, refusal to be blind to facts, negotiating whatever can be negotiated, and willingness to risk breaking up once you are done with this process. You never know how your will evolve over time as individuals, how much you might grow apart, so you need to begin with the strongest possible foundation even if it means you find out you do not actually have it and break up. Better sooner than later. Chris Rock had some good bits about this one haha.
Fourth, I do not tolerate the silent treatment for longer than a few hours and I do not use it as a passive aggressive weapon that it is. I also believe that you should train that habit out of a significant other if they have it because it is the number one relationship buster out there.
As always, there is plenty more but those are a few relationship principles I hope you will find enlightened or at least thought provoking.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone. :)