Dearest readers- I am not here to virtue signal. I simply realize the signs of the times we are in and try to do at least something. For a while now, I have been giving back to food banks, Salvation Army holidays drive, various well-meaning crowdfunding campaigns, and here and there a person or two in need by major traffic intersections and highway exits. There are also more and more well-equipped, capable people being forced to live in tents and do so in areas of the Greater Toronto Area where this has been unheard of in at least the last 20 years. The solutions? Hugely political and hugely impractical for the most part- at least when it comes to the solutions considered by those in charge. Some of these solutions are ideological, and they revolve around personal responsibility, self-reliance, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and all that stuff. I like that, I like it a lot; BUT, with a huge disclaimer. Those who say that everyone who is in trouble or not where they want to be in life should embrace this ideology do not know what sort of fire they are potentially playing with; it can become a gateway drug to something far, far worse (a psychopathic Sith Empire?).
Let me explain, as there are morsels of wisdom in this topic that can be applied every day.
The idea of personal responsibility, self-reliance and all that jazz is about being self-aware, holding yourself responsible and accountable for everything you did and did not do, every success and mistake. You are primarily responsible for your life; seeking help is highly discouraged and you must not develop a victim mentality. There is more to it but I think this is sufficient as most of us have a general idea of what these concept are all about. It sounds wonderful- everyone taking care of their own stuff and not bothering anyone else.
Except...
I wondered what this would look like when taken to its extreme. I have a friend I have not heard from in a few weeks. He is self-employed, decently successful and pretty isolated from what goes on in the world; he keeps to himself, avoids drama and plans his work and free time carefully. Typically, our conversations revolve around my blog research as he is one of the many "oracles" I know who are able to shed a decent light on many topics and offer interesting paradigms I do not normally experience anywhere else. Now, once I finally heard from my friend after a few weeks of silence, I asked him jokingly if he is even alive haha. He said barely- he was sick. I expressed my concern, asked him about what happened and all that. Also, I told him I missed our conversations and wondered why he did not reach out for any kind of help. Why stay silent? His answer surprised me. He said that, when he is going through a difficult time, he does not ask for any help but he also does not want to offer any help either- alluding to the help he offers me through our conversations. I laughed it off- he is a clever ass after all- but then I thought about it. To me, dearest readers, this is a strong or almost an extreme example of self-reliance and personal responsibility. When you are in trouble, you just focus on solving your own problems and nothing else. Applause!
Except...
This also means a couple of other things, and this is where the gateway part comes in. When you completely embrace personal responsibility and self-reliance in its purest form, maybe take it to the extreme a little bit and promote this purest form in a society, it means one thing- you have decided that you cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. You have decided that you cannot deal with the aftermath of the Great Depression and land on the beaches of Normandy. When most people around you are purely personally responsible and self-reliant, everyone tends to get hyper focused on themselves and siloed off and away from each other. These days, this is even easier than ever before due to our devices and the algorithmic multiverse online that has unlimited resources and opportunities for us without the need for anyone else. If left unchecked (and hey us humans are known to gravitate towards extremes), this leads to a hyper competitive, selfish environment. It also leads to a significant blind spot where every disaster that can strike, every illness that can afflict people, every accident out there is simply explained away as a person's failure to be personally responsible enough to mitigate or prevent that which cannot be mitigated or prevented. In such an environment, being hyper focused on yourself and hyper selfish is the way to go because you know or at least feel that only you will help you and when that fails, you are done for. Say goodbye to acts of kindness and bravery then. This, however, is step one. Step two is that not only do you want to be isolated from the needs of others, but you want to eliminate them as competitors because, if you do not, they will take what could be yours and maybe cut your life journey short. So, what do you do? You start participating in a new, cutthroat society. Pushing a partner down the stairs because they are sick and weighing you down. Slashing your manager's tires and doing other stuff so he is late for work enough times that he gets fired and you take his place. Using social media and the public opinion to clear the path for your success at the expense of other, often innocent people (happens all the time these days). Bottom line, when you feel you are standing at the edge of a cliff and there is no one who will try to save you if you slip because everyone else is in the same position, you start to act in some truly cold, calculative ways.
Now, you might ask, well what about quid pro quo? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. This is a type of deal making. When you make a deal, the only way it will be a good deal for all parties is if the deal is done in good faith. However, there is no good faith in doing something for others when you feel it is taking you away from getting it done on your own; the only thought left is that you do not want to do a deal because in doing so you might get screwed over, which is a personally irresponsible thing to do. See where I am going with this? Remember, it is not personally responsible to put any notable amount of your stuff into the hands of others. Sadly, this lack of faith or trust is what also prevents many people from growing.
Can a world function this way? Sure, some of it can. There are people who specialize in certain things who can become very good on their own and be so needed that they can become indispensable to their society without the need to connect with others. In fact, being self-reliant and taking personal responsibility, having great personal insight, they need to be all those things their entire life because the world relies on them to be this way. As for everything else in the world, it is clear we need a healthy dose of taking care of taking risks, trying stuff even if in the end we become a bit of a burden to our society. I think that the "messy" people, the creative types, the gluttons, the addicts, the misunderstood geniuses, the annoyingly good and the disgustingly evil people open up new avenues, new paths- both good and bad. Then, the champions of personal responsibility and self-reliance get to explore, clean up, and utilize some of these paths for the benefit of us as a collective. We need that. Besides. one of the least responsible things a person can do- according to extreme personal responsibility- is to have a child of their own. Imagine- creating new life that will introduce variables that you cannot account for and cannot take ownership of ever in your life, no matter how hard you try. Also, that life is not self-reliant for a long time, so you cannot just let it out into the world- you have to allow it to rely on you and you have to rely on its interpretation of your teachings as it matures and goes off on its own. Horrifying, is it not? Or, is it simply just human? You tell me.
All I can tell you, in the end, is that taking personal responsibility, being self-reliant, being a self-starter and taking that to an extreme is just another set of soundbites that inform some parts of our reality but do not accurately describe or explain all of it- not even close. So, let us use it in moderation, or else it will become a gateway to a real life Sith Empire :P
Have a great rest of your week, much love and respect.
Mwah!
Let me explain, as there are morsels of wisdom in this topic that can be applied every day.
The idea of personal responsibility, self-reliance and all that jazz is about being self-aware, holding yourself responsible and accountable for everything you did and did not do, every success and mistake. You are primarily responsible for your life; seeking help is highly discouraged and you must not develop a victim mentality. There is more to it but I think this is sufficient as most of us have a general idea of what these concept are all about. It sounds wonderful- everyone taking care of their own stuff and not bothering anyone else.
Except...
I wondered what this would look like when taken to its extreme. I have a friend I have not heard from in a few weeks. He is self-employed, decently successful and pretty isolated from what goes on in the world; he keeps to himself, avoids drama and plans his work and free time carefully. Typically, our conversations revolve around my blog research as he is one of the many "oracles" I know who are able to shed a decent light on many topics and offer interesting paradigms I do not normally experience anywhere else. Now, once I finally heard from my friend after a few weeks of silence, I asked him jokingly if he is even alive haha. He said barely- he was sick. I expressed my concern, asked him about what happened and all that. Also, I told him I missed our conversations and wondered why he did not reach out for any kind of help. Why stay silent? His answer surprised me. He said that, when he is going through a difficult time, he does not ask for any help but he also does not want to offer any help either- alluding to the help he offers me through our conversations. I laughed it off- he is a clever ass after all- but then I thought about it. To me, dearest readers, this is a strong or almost an extreme example of self-reliance and personal responsibility. When you are in trouble, you just focus on solving your own problems and nothing else. Applause!
Except...
This also means a couple of other things, and this is where the gateway part comes in. When you completely embrace personal responsibility and self-reliance in its purest form, maybe take it to the extreme a little bit and promote this purest form in a society, it means one thing- you have decided that you cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. You have decided that you cannot deal with the aftermath of the Great Depression and land on the beaches of Normandy. When most people around you are purely personally responsible and self-reliant, everyone tends to get hyper focused on themselves and siloed off and away from each other. These days, this is even easier than ever before due to our devices and the algorithmic multiverse online that has unlimited resources and opportunities for us without the need for anyone else. If left unchecked (and hey us humans are known to gravitate towards extremes), this leads to a hyper competitive, selfish environment. It also leads to a significant blind spot where every disaster that can strike, every illness that can afflict people, every accident out there is simply explained away as a person's failure to be personally responsible enough to mitigate or prevent that which cannot be mitigated or prevented. In such an environment, being hyper focused on yourself and hyper selfish is the way to go because you know or at least feel that only you will help you and when that fails, you are done for. Say goodbye to acts of kindness and bravery then. This, however, is step one. Step two is that not only do you want to be isolated from the needs of others, but you want to eliminate them as competitors because, if you do not, they will take what could be yours and maybe cut your life journey short. So, what do you do? You start participating in a new, cutthroat society. Pushing a partner down the stairs because they are sick and weighing you down. Slashing your manager's tires and doing other stuff so he is late for work enough times that he gets fired and you take his place. Using social media and the public opinion to clear the path for your success at the expense of other, often innocent people (happens all the time these days). Bottom line, when you feel you are standing at the edge of a cliff and there is no one who will try to save you if you slip because everyone else is in the same position, you start to act in some truly cold, calculative ways.
Now, you might ask, well what about quid pro quo? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. This is a type of deal making. When you make a deal, the only way it will be a good deal for all parties is if the deal is done in good faith. However, there is no good faith in doing something for others when you feel it is taking you away from getting it done on your own; the only thought left is that you do not want to do a deal because in doing so you might get screwed over, which is a personally irresponsible thing to do. See where I am going with this? Remember, it is not personally responsible to put any notable amount of your stuff into the hands of others. Sadly, this lack of faith or trust is what also prevents many people from growing.
Can a world function this way? Sure, some of it can. There are people who specialize in certain things who can become very good on their own and be so needed that they can become indispensable to their society without the need to connect with others. In fact, being self-reliant and taking personal responsibility, having great personal insight, they need to be all those things their entire life because the world relies on them to be this way. As for everything else in the world, it is clear we need a healthy dose of taking care of taking risks, trying stuff even if in the end we become a bit of a burden to our society. I think that the "messy" people, the creative types, the gluttons, the addicts, the misunderstood geniuses, the annoyingly good and the disgustingly evil people open up new avenues, new paths- both good and bad. Then, the champions of personal responsibility and self-reliance get to explore, clean up, and utilize some of these paths for the benefit of us as a collective. We need that. Besides. one of the least responsible things a person can do- according to extreme personal responsibility- is to have a child of their own. Imagine- creating new life that will introduce variables that you cannot account for and cannot take ownership of ever in your life, no matter how hard you try. Also, that life is not self-reliant for a long time, so you cannot just let it out into the world- you have to allow it to rely on you and you have to rely on its interpretation of your teachings as it matures and goes off on its own. Horrifying, is it not? Or, is it simply just human? You tell me.
All I can tell you, in the end, is that taking personal responsibility, being self-reliant, being a self-starter and taking that to an extreme is just another set of soundbites that inform some parts of our reality but do not accurately describe or explain all of it- not even close. So, let us use it in moderation, or else it will become a gateway to a real life Sith Empire :P
Have a great rest of your week, much love and respect.
Mwah!