Dearest readers, Valentine's is right around the corner and, if you have a special someone for any given amount of time, you're most likely spending the love day with them :) Just as there are a million ways to spend that day together, there also happen to be a million ways we look at who we want to date, where our relationship is right now, and where it's going. Lately, I've been thinking about a popular approaches people utilize when they try to find and keep a mate- opposites attract. What does it really mean? Also, is it as simple to put into practice as it is to say? Personally, I don't think so.
According to at least one online dictionary, opposites attract is "used to explain the phenomenon of dissimilar people taking a strong or romantic interest in each other". So, the simplicity is gone already; we are talking here about dissimilar people, but not necessarily (or at all) polar opposites. Now, if you were to follow this when searching for a mate and then keeping things going once you find one, then you would also need to figure out what dissimilar is supposed to mean. Does it mean you should look for someone who likes peace and quiet while working, whereas you need music or a loud vibrant environment to do your thing? Or, someone who likes to dine out often, whereas you prefer to cook and eat in? Personally, I think that's exactly what it means- provided you have one major thing in common with the other person, but more on that later. You don't need to agree on whether a work environment should be quiet or loud if you both like to work. Similarly, you don't have to agree on whether cooking or dining out is better- both have pros and cons and you need both in your life. Also, if you disagree on the number of kids you want to have, but both of you want kids, that's another example of being dissimilar, and illustrating the opposites attract approach to dating and relationships.
This brings us to that one underlying thing you need to have in common, the one thing that draws the line between being dissimilar and being total opposites- a shared world view. If you view the world and your role in it in a broadly similar, mutual way, you will disagree over the finer points but will agree on the same big picture. This is what I truly believe is important so that people are dissimilar and attracted to each other. The absence of it means you're true opposites and more likely to boycott each other or share a night of rough, passionate angry sex and never meet again.
So why did we call it opposites attract versus dissimilar people attract, which is what it really is by definition? I really don't know. My guess is that it's because it's catchier and simpler to remember. Still, I feel it is so simplified that it lost its true meaning and is allowing people to easily draw false ideas and conclusions out of that one, dumb sentence. In the end, it just goes to show that, if something matters a lot to you in life, you should go deep, really think about it and not be superficial when figuring it out. Figure out love, dating and relationships and what it all means to you before you date, fall in love and have a relationship- it'll likely save you from a world of hurt later on.
Happy Valentines ;)
According to at least one online dictionary, opposites attract is "used to explain the phenomenon of dissimilar people taking a strong or romantic interest in each other". So, the simplicity is gone already; we are talking here about dissimilar people, but not necessarily (or at all) polar opposites. Now, if you were to follow this when searching for a mate and then keeping things going once you find one, then you would also need to figure out what dissimilar is supposed to mean. Does it mean you should look for someone who likes peace and quiet while working, whereas you need music or a loud vibrant environment to do your thing? Or, someone who likes to dine out often, whereas you prefer to cook and eat in? Personally, I think that's exactly what it means- provided you have one major thing in common with the other person, but more on that later. You don't need to agree on whether a work environment should be quiet or loud if you both like to work. Similarly, you don't have to agree on whether cooking or dining out is better- both have pros and cons and you need both in your life. Also, if you disagree on the number of kids you want to have, but both of you want kids, that's another example of being dissimilar, and illustrating the opposites attract approach to dating and relationships.
This brings us to that one underlying thing you need to have in common, the one thing that draws the line between being dissimilar and being total opposites- a shared world view. If you view the world and your role in it in a broadly similar, mutual way, you will disagree over the finer points but will agree on the same big picture. This is what I truly believe is important so that people are dissimilar and attracted to each other. The absence of it means you're true opposites and more likely to boycott each other or share a night of rough, passionate angry sex and never meet again.
So why did we call it opposites attract versus dissimilar people attract, which is what it really is by definition? I really don't know. My guess is that it's because it's catchier and simpler to remember. Still, I feel it is so simplified that it lost its true meaning and is allowing people to easily draw false ideas and conclusions out of that one, dumb sentence. In the end, it just goes to show that, if something matters a lot to you in life, you should go deep, really think about it and not be superficial when figuring it out. Figure out love, dating and relationships and what it all means to you before you date, fall in love and have a relationship- it'll likely save you from a world of hurt later on.
Happy Valentines ;)