Dearest readers, as Thanksgiving is getting closer and closer, most of us adults are reminded that there are so many responsibilities we have. The holiday season truly is a responsibility season because it's the season to spend, and a lot. It reminds us that as soon as we grow up, there are so many things in life we have to provide for. Yet, all of us know at least someone who is an adult, yet partially or completely fails to understand this. On the other hand, there are lots of us adults who obsess over bills and other financial responsibilities all the time, causing themselves and others close to them way too much frustration. Both are in the wrong, and the reason for this is what I call the lack of development of the second stage of object permanence.
Object permanence, originally, has been defined as the understanding that objects exist even when they cannot be directly observed by any or all of our senses. Kids develop it at a certain age and it stays with us. An example of this is that we know the backs of our cars exist even when we can't see them as we're driving. This is a very important part of our perception of reality and the world around us. Here, I propose that there is a second stage of a sort of an object permanence that we have to go through as adults. It is a stage where we understand that financial and other adult obligations exist constantly and permanently for us for as long as we live, whether we worry about them all the time or try to ignore them completely. So, for example, you want to go out and spend your rent money even though rent is real and exists permanently for as long as you live, unless you get a mortgage and then it's a mortgage payment. Or, you think about your cell phone bill so much it's driving you and others around you crazy, regardless of the fact that it exists even if you don't think about it at all.
So, the adults who don't think about bills at all have an underdeveloped second stage. They constantly ignore what exists and is right in front of them, which often gets them and their budgets in trouble. Sadly, I see and hear a lot about it in Toronto; it's almost endemic among teens and young adults in this big city of ours (probably most other big cities too). On the other hand, we have adults who overthink it to the point of obsession and anxiety, and it's not pretty. This I associate more with suburbs and with people who own properties. Funny, in the suburbs people are supposed to relax and live nice, peaceful lives but many are unable to do that for this exact reason.
The solution, I think, is to follow the middle path (as you know, that's my favorite response to almost anything in life). Do a good budget, be realistic about how much you can spend AFTER financial responsibilities are taken care of, and it'll all be fine. Remember, certain things are just facts of life and it doesn't help to think about them too much or too little :)
Object permanence, originally, has been defined as the understanding that objects exist even when they cannot be directly observed by any or all of our senses. Kids develop it at a certain age and it stays with us. An example of this is that we know the backs of our cars exist even when we can't see them as we're driving. This is a very important part of our perception of reality and the world around us. Here, I propose that there is a second stage of a sort of an object permanence that we have to go through as adults. It is a stage where we understand that financial and other adult obligations exist constantly and permanently for us for as long as we live, whether we worry about them all the time or try to ignore them completely. So, for example, you want to go out and spend your rent money even though rent is real and exists permanently for as long as you live, unless you get a mortgage and then it's a mortgage payment. Or, you think about your cell phone bill so much it's driving you and others around you crazy, regardless of the fact that it exists even if you don't think about it at all.
So, the adults who don't think about bills at all have an underdeveloped second stage. They constantly ignore what exists and is right in front of them, which often gets them and their budgets in trouble. Sadly, I see and hear a lot about it in Toronto; it's almost endemic among teens and young adults in this big city of ours (probably most other big cities too). On the other hand, we have adults who overthink it to the point of obsession and anxiety, and it's not pretty. This I associate more with suburbs and with people who own properties. Funny, in the suburbs people are supposed to relax and live nice, peaceful lives but many are unable to do that for this exact reason.
The solution, I think, is to follow the middle path (as you know, that's my favorite response to almost anything in life). Do a good budget, be realistic about how much you can spend AFTER financial responsibilities are taken care of, and it'll all be fine. Remember, certain things are just facts of life and it doesn't help to think about them too much or too little :)