Hmmm, ok, sorry for writing a long introduction without actually saying what I am going to talk about. I do that sometimes haha. So, the most important thing in dating in 2024 is how your partner spends their alone time- not how you spend time together. Let us unpack this and collect the wisdom this statement has to offer.
The premise of this statement (yes, a nod to my other recent article) is that when you date someone- whether you live together or not- you spend a very small amount of time together. I wrote a while ago about this very topic and how you should be careful how much you invest in a relationship, especially early on, because of how little you actually are physically together. I believe that the best couples are two self-contained, self-sufficient humans who choose to be together out of love more than necessity (until you get very old and then it flips haha, 'tis the truth). When you add up sleep time, work plus commute, hygiene time, workouts and the time you like to spend socializing with your friends and/or family, gaming and pursuing other hobbies, how many actual hours do you spend with your partner? What percentage of their life do they truly occupy? What percentage of attention, of time you are able and willing to give? It turns out this is a very, very small part. We do not want to be emotionally honest about it, but we sure have to be INTELLECTUALLY honest about it- which is the most uncomfortable but the most necessary kind of honesty.
So, going into 2024, the most important thing in dating has to be how your partner spends their time apart from you. It is the largest chunk of time every day (except weekends) that they spend apart from you and it is the time they have to use to be responsible, productive, to maintain themselves, to build themselves up, and to deal with most of their obstacles, issue and/or inner demons. Are they getting done what they need to get done? Are they managing their time well? Are they building themselves up or tearing themselves down? These are things that are more important than asking questions about how you are spending or will spend your time together.
Why fuss over all of this? Why put in the effort? it is simple, really. What makes or breaks many relationships? How you spend time together. What enhances your time together and ensures you are a match made in heaven? A well-handled, strong and successful time apart working on your own individual stuff. What makes a relationship fall apart? A bad time together. What causes it? A total and complete mess in some or all things you have to accomplish apart on a daily basis. So yes, I am encouraging you to try and see things from the premise that a relationships is made or broken by how you spend time apart- not how you spend time together. This is especially important for those people who tend to lose themselves in a relationship for the sake of their partner- whether their partner wants that or not (if they want it- run!). In 2024, I think it is guys more than girls who are succumbing to this so that is why I am talking about it.
Remember, I want you guys to be happy and to have a 2024 that will knock the socks off your 2023! So, be your greatest champion and expect the same from your partner. No matter where you are in life, if you work hard on yourself and feel accomplished by Friday night, and your partner does too- you will have an unforgettable weekend no matter what- be it flix and chill or a Michelin Star restaurant! Those of you who already think and act like this know what I am talking about. As for everyone else, have a little taste of it, see how it goes.
Mwah!