Dearest readers, the dating revolution is accelerating. What girls have started, guys are about to bring to a conclusion. I have been talking with my circle of family, friends, and contacts in blue collar and white collar jobs, and more and more people are seeing the writing on the wall. The dating revolution is coming full circle and beginning to eat its own- as revolutions often do. We are almost done going from King Louis to Emperor Napoleon. As someone who also speaks more openly with people in my line of work than most people with regular jobs, I hear something way more often than not these days. You know how you just look a girl's way and she says "I have a boyfriend"? Or, how a vegan will tell you they are vegan immediately upon introducing themselves to you? You did not even ask but they feel it is so crucial and such a big deal to them that everyone must know if from the get go? Well, many guys on the path to being well established, strong with task and purpose (love that channel haha), or already established, all say the same thing now as part of their introduction- "I am not dating and not looking to date".
Come with me on a brainstorming journey and let us look at reasons why this is and why at least some of what is happening might be a good thing. In fact, I will make a case against dating as it is today not because I hate it, but because you cannot make something better without pointing out and fixing its flaws. Oh, and if the flaws cannot be fixed, then maybe the entire system has to go eh.
The first reason why people who eagerly say they do not want to date are so vocal about it is because they cannot see how dating will enrich their lives- intrinsically or materially- or even keep them the same. All they see after the initial honeymoon period which is the biggest biological scam ever, is loss or a huge risk of loss- no gain. Due in part to the way our society is, and then also in large part due to how our laws are set up, any person who has something going for them is in dating exposed to a relation that is not symbiotic, but rather a host and a parasite relationship. Instead of Venom, you get The Last of Us haha! Sigh... Usually, it happens more to guys than to girls, but it can be the other way around as well.
The second reason is the economy. Many people in my circles, including myself, often wonder if our government and our corporations are aware of the fact that it is the singles who really drive the economy. The desire for independence and a period of solo living, whether it be temporary or lifelong, creates real growth. Have you ever seen proper economic growth in places where people marry and spend their first five years of marriage or longer in either the bridge or the groom parents' basement? Have you ever seen proper real estate growth in places where people do not buy a nice condo after graduation, then sell it off to buy a house with a similarly positioned spouse and move into the suburbs? Single people who are on their task and purpose can often be more productive, have less reasons for sick days, and they get their hours of sleep because they do not have to talk or text late into the night with a romantic interest whose mother did not teach them to self-soothe!!! Oh, and who convinced people that going out to the movies or a restaurant by yourself is a bad thing? If you have the money and free time to do so, that is awesome! Or, take a friend or family member who may deserve it a lot more than a stranger...
The third reason is the rise in awareness of the value of time and attention. Our attention is currency to social media platforms, our friends, our employers... and so is our time. I will refer back to the rise in numbers of people who cannot self-soothe and who need inordinate amount of attention just to function or feel happy or get even the slightest dopamine hit. My goodness! :P Of course we love to make people happy, give them some attention and so on, but out in the dating world there are too many people who do not know how to make and keep themselves happy. Also, they require tons of your time and attention, but they pretend this currency is cheap so like it is not a big deal. Sadly, girls are guilty of this more than guys although the scales, they be tipping!
The fourth reason is the fact many guys I talk to about this stuff say they can clearly feel that the girls they try to date are forever holding back and holding out. It is like they have an entire repertoire of things they are saving for someone else- that mythical next guy who may or may not appear in their life. No one likes that, and this is another reason that dating is dying.
The fifth reason is that, at least in this wonderful country of ours, I keep hearing people's thoughts about the last few decades and how many- though not all- parents raised their kids expecting they will be making tons of money and be able to pay for all imaginable products and services so they do not need to have any skills! How can dating succeed when two people get together and neither of them have enough money to pay for everything or skills and HABITS to get some things done by themselves? Or, how about when one person- the guy- knows how to do a lot of stuff and does it, and then a girl who wants to be seen as special just for existing wants to date that guy? He would rather skip the dating and book an appointment- and he does! ;) When it comes to life stuff, habits and proficiency are just as important. One thing is to know how to cook- sorta. Another thing is to know how to cook to the point you know more than a dozen recipes, are able to buy groceries based on recipes and meal plans, have favorite brands in mind, and are able to cook a weeknight dinner faster than uber eats can get an inferior one to your door at inflated meal cost and inflated tip.
Now, we can get into way more reasons why dating is failing as a concept (past high school and maybe college), or we can try and speculate on what happens and what brave new world we step into. A couple of educated guesses. First, I think that romance will be almost completely sucked out of dating- it will become more a negotiation and more of a transactional thing. This will benefit guys more than girls because girls are suckers for romance more so than guys. Second, if you think a lot of people are enjoying OF content and booking in-person appointments now, you are mistaken; these numbers will skyrocket in the next few years because guys will begin to prefer more clearly defined situations with more clear finite costs, benefits and outcomes. With sexual needs and desires taken care of outside of dating, guys will evaluate their dating prospects based on more traditional values such as the skills and abilities their potential partner is bringing into a relationship. In fact, more and more guys are benefiting by booking fun appointments a day or even a couple of hours before going on a date with someone they are really interested in- it boosts confidence and then helps them signal directly and nonverbally that they are not hungry for sex! :P How awesome is that? Finally, I think that in terms of long-term dating, we will see people avoid situations where they become common law (in Canada) by maintaining separate places of residence etc., and in terms of marriage we will see a rise in prenups beyond anything we have ever expected before.
Where does this leave us? There are many ways we can attempt to answer this questions. If you ask me, I believe this will lead us by force where we should have elected as a society to be at and happily exist in the first place. Oh well, let the interesting times roll! ;)
Come with me on a brainstorming journey and let us look at reasons why this is and why at least some of what is happening might be a good thing. In fact, I will make a case against dating as it is today not because I hate it, but because you cannot make something better without pointing out and fixing its flaws. Oh, and if the flaws cannot be fixed, then maybe the entire system has to go eh.
The first reason why people who eagerly say they do not want to date are so vocal about it is because they cannot see how dating will enrich their lives- intrinsically or materially- or even keep them the same. All they see after the initial honeymoon period which is the biggest biological scam ever, is loss or a huge risk of loss- no gain. Due in part to the way our society is, and then also in large part due to how our laws are set up, any person who has something going for them is in dating exposed to a relation that is not symbiotic, but rather a host and a parasite relationship. Instead of Venom, you get The Last of Us haha! Sigh... Usually, it happens more to guys than to girls, but it can be the other way around as well.
The second reason is the economy. Many people in my circles, including myself, often wonder if our government and our corporations are aware of the fact that it is the singles who really drive the economy. The desire for independence and a period of solo living, whether it be temporary or lifelong, creates real growth. Have you ever seen proper economic growth in places where people marry and spend their first five years of marriage or longer in either the bridge or the groom parents' basement? Have you ever seen proper real estate growth in places where people do not buy a nice condo after graduation, then sell it off to buy a house with a similarly positioned spouse and move into the suburbs? Single people who are on their task and purpose can often be more productive, have less reasons for sick days, and they get their hours of sleep because they do not have to talk or text late into the night with a romantic interest whose mother did not teach them to self-soothe!!! Oh, and who convinced people that going out to the movies or a restaurant by yourself is a bad thing? If you have the money and free time to do so, that is awesome! Or, take a friend or family member who may deserve it a lot more than a stranger...
The third reason is the rise in awareness of the value of time and attention. Our attention is currency to social media platforms, our friends, our employers... and so is our time. I will refer back to the rise in numbers of people who cannot self-soothe and who need inordinate amount of attention just to function or feel happy or get even the slightest dopamine hit. My goodness! :P Of course we love to make people happy, give them some attention and so on, but out in the dating world there are too many people who do not know how to make and keep themselves happy. Also, they require tons of your time and attention, but they pretend this currency is cheap so like it is not a big deal. Sadly, girls are guilty of this more than guys although the scales, they be tipping!
The fourth reason is the fact many guys I talk to about this stuff say they can clearly feel that the girls they try to date are forever holding back and holding out. It is like they have an entire repertoire of things they are saving for someone else- that mythical next guy who may or may not appear in their life. No one likes that, and this is another reason that dating is dying.
The fifth reason is that, at least in this wonderful country of ours, I keep hearing people's thoughts about the last few decades and how many- though not all- parents raised their kids expecting they will be making tons of money and be able to pay for all imaginable products and services so they do not need to have any skills! How can dating succeed when two people get together and neither of them have enough money to pay for everything or skills and HABITS to get some things done by themselves? Or, how about when one person- the guy- knows how to do a lot of stuff and does it, and then a girl who wants to be seen as special just for existing wants to date that guy? He would rather skip the dating and book an appointment- and he does! ;) When it comes to life stuff, habits and proficiency are just as important. One thing is to know how to cook- sorta. Another thing is to know how to cook to the point you know more than a dozen recipes, are able to buy groceries based on recipes and meal plans, have favorite brands in mind, and are able to cook a weeknight dinner faster than uber eats can get an inferior one to your door at inflated meal cost and inflated tip.
Now, we can get into way more reasons why dating is failing as a concept (past high school and maybe college), or we can try and speculate on what happens and what brave new world we step into. A couple of educated guesses. First, I think that romance will be almost completely sucked out of dating- it will become more a negotiation and more of a transactional thing. This will benefit guys more than girls because girls are suckers for romance more so than guys. Second, if you think a lot of people are enjoying OF content and booking in-person appointments now, you are mistaken; these numbers will skyrocket in the next few years because guys will begin to prefer more clearly defined situations with more clear finite costs, benefits and outcomes. With sexual needs and desires taken care of outside of dating, guys will evaluate their dating prospects based on more traditional values such as the skills and abilities their potential partner is bringing into a relationship. In fact, more and more guys are benefiting by booking fun appointments a day or even a couple of hours before going on a date with someone they are really interested in- it boosts confidence and then helps them signal directly and nonverbally that they are not hungry for sex! :P How awesome is that? Finally, I think that in terms of long-term dating, we will see people avoid situations where they become common law (in Canada) by maintaining separate places of residence etc., and in terms of marriage we will see a rise in prenups beyond anything we have ever expected before.
Where does this leave us? There are many ways we can attempt to answer this questions. If you ask me, I believe this will lead us by force where we should have elected as a society to be at and happily exist in the first place. Oh well, let the interesting times roll! ;)
