Dearest readers, here is a great question for 2024. Dating- what it is good for? Absolutely nothing (or something?)! Classic reference aside, you know that I talk to interesting people from all walks of life as part of what I do and in my private life. More and more often, whenever we bring up dating as a topic, I hear from very eligible guys that they are either not dating on purpose, or they plan on breaking up with their girlfriend. Recently, I heard on the podcast that this meet a random person and they somehow become your common law or spouse type of thing only became popular in the West during and after the sexual revolution and birth control. Before then, most people still met each other through introductions. This means you had to know someone who knows that person and then discuss if it would be worth it for that person to connect you two. Interestingly enough, this is how things still happen by and large in many parts of the world. So, we are talking about the rest of the world still embracing semi-arranged or fully arranged relationships and marriages, whereas over here many people riding the Tinder and Grindr rollercoaster or sliding into strangers' DM's haha! So, what gives? Are we ahead of the rest of the world and we found a better way to date, or is the way we found precisely the reason why many of the guys I talk to have given up on dating?
Let us look at key pain points I keep hearing about regarding dating as it is here in Canada today, as well as in USA.
First, there are problematic laws on the books here in Canada, maybe in the States as well. In Canada, if you become common law with your partner, whether declared or not, and then you break up, you could be on the hook for a type of alimony- though you can usually settle it without going through the courts and having your case heard by offering a lump sum. Whether you are a guy or a girl, just thinking about alimony for someone you have not even married is, let us face it, terrifying and infuriating haha! Then, for the older gentlemen in the crowd who may end up dating single moms, should you act as a father figure to the kid(s), you may be on the hook for child support after you break up! I have read about more than one case and have a friend of a friend who had this happen to him! Finally, if there is any altercation, physical or not, usually it is the guy who has to leave the shared space. I never understood why! I mean, I heard arguments for it, but I thought that in most cases they were BS. I also never understood the whole sleeping on the sofa thing. Finally, I might be rare, but I have never given anyone I dated the silent treatment for more than like an hour or two- could not imagine living with someone in a one bedroom Toronto condo who would give me the silent treatment for like a week or something!
Next, the problem is that in dating, especially for most girls, everything has to be adventurous, mysterious, one crazy dopamine hit after another, like trying to do theater, concerts and puppet shows for Genghis Khan, only it is not Genghis Khan but your s/o haha! Worst of all, you are basically not allowed to state or ask anything with clear intentions. You cannot directly ask someone to move in together to save on rent and take that next step- you have to dress it up and romance it. You cannot directly ask for at least a hj when her "headache" is more important than your blue balls. :p You cannot ask her about her credit rating or outstanding debt even after getting engaged. On and on it goes.
Speaking of sex, after the honeymoon period of dating someone new, suddenly sex starts to be treated as a privilege, not a need. This gets to a point where here and there I hear from friends that their significant others try to get them to even stop watching porn; they try to use ridiculous arguments and reasons why. Meanwhile, the quantity and quality of sex decreases. I will simply say this and nothing else on this matter. Some guy out there needs to start a trend where, if he is living with a gf and she does not want to fool around with him for a whole month, one day she comes back from work after him and finds him jerking off to some nasty, spicy, loud porn right in the living room. She walks in, looks all shocked, says what the hell and he goes "Hey babe, how was work? Give me just two minutes to cum hard and then I'll shower and we can talk." Who will be the first one to do this? Who is willing to put himself out there for the rest of the guys? Oh, and the way it will work is the girl will go on TikTok or Instagram Reels and post this whole crazy story about it. It will go viral on social media, Reddit and eventually in the legacy media haha! Then, more guys will start doing it and it will be Soft Boy Era 2.0 ;)
Finally, and this is my big thing- at least one person needs to know how to do life stuff well and fast like cooking and cleaning. Could be the guy, could be the girl, could be both. But, it cannot be neither! Now, you can say well what if you are rich? Well, I will tell you what my mom told me. If you do not know how to cook, how do you know if a restaurant gives you good or bad food? Just because it tastes ok does not mean it is properly done and worth the money! Oh, and my dad told me well, it is like self defense- it is best to know it on the off-chance you need to use it. I would say both of them were right, as I am one of the few people using my building's barbecues who did not get food poisoning or parasites from poorly handled and/or undercooked meat! :P
So, what do I think dating is being replaced with? I think dating is becoming a useless umbrella term. Instead, people will either not date and instead book appointments haha, or they will date. But, when they talk about intentions, it will no longer be oh I am looking to date. I think it will be stuff like I want to hook up, I want to move in together, or I want to get married within a certain time. Basically- pressure, timeline, expectations, arrangements are going to make a comeback; adventurous and aimless are a dating trend that less and less people are willing to go for.
Hope you have a great Friday night and an even better weekend.
Mwah! :)
Let us look at key pain points I keep hearing about regarding dating as it is here in Canada today, as well as in USA.
First, there are problematic laws on the books here in Canada, maybe in the States as well. In Canada, if you become common law with your partner, whether declared or not, and then you break up, you could be on the hook for a type of alimony- though you can usually settle it without going through the courts and having your case heard by offering a lump sum. Whether you are a guy or a girl, just thinking about alimony for someone you have not even married is, let us face it, terrifying and infuriating haha! Then, for the older gentlemen in the crowd who may end up dating single moms, should you act as a father figure to the kid(s), you may be on the hook for child support after you break up! I have read about more than one case and have a friend of a friend who had this happen to him! Finally, if there is any altercation, physical or not, usually it is the guy who has to leave the shared space. I never understood why! I mean, I heard arguments for it, but I thought that in most cases they were BS. I also never understood the whole sleeping on the sofa thing. Finally, I might be rare, but I have never given anyone I dated the silent treatment for more than like an hour or two- could not imagine living with someone in a one bedroom Toronto condo who would give me the silent treatment for like a week or something!
Next, the problem is that in dating, especially for most girls, everything has to be adventurous, mysterious, one crazy dopamine hit after another, like trying to do theater, concerts and puppet shows for Genghis Khan, only it is not Genghis Khan but your s/o haha! Worst of all, you are basically not allowed to state or ask anything with clear intentions. You cannot directly ask someone to move in together to save on rent and take that next step- you have to dress it up and romance it. You cannot directly ask for at least a hj when her "headache" is more important than your blue balls. :p You cannot ask her about her credit rating or outstanding debt even after getting engaged. On and on it goes.
Speaking of sex, after the honeymoon period of dating someone new, suddenly sex starts to be treated as a privilege, not a need. This gets to a point where here and there I hear from friends that their significant others try to get them to even stop watching porn; they try to use ridiculous arguments and reasons why. Meanwhile, the quantity and quality of sex decreases. I will simply say this and nothing else on this matter. Some guy out there needs to start a trend where, if he is living with a gf and she does not want to fool around with him for a whole month, one day she comes back from work after him and finds him jerking off to some nasty, spicy, loud porn right in the living room. She walks in, looks all shocked, says what the hell and he goes "Hey babe, how was work? Give me just two minutes to cum hard and then I'll shower and we can talk." Who will be the first one to do this? Who is willing to put himself out there for the rest of the guys? Oh, and the way it will work is the girl will go on TikTok or Instagram Reels and post this whole crazy story about it. It will go viral on social media, Reddit and eventually in the legacy media haha! Then, more guys will start doing it and it will be Soft Boy Era 2.0 ;)
Finally, and this is my big thing- at least one person needs to know how to do life stuff well and fast like cooking and cleaning. Could be the guy, could be the girl, could be both. But, it cannot be neither! Now, you can say well what if you are rich? Well, I will tell you what my mom told me. If you do not know how to cook, how do you know if a restaurant gives you good or bad food? Just because it tastes ok does not mean it is properly done and worth the money! Oh, and my dad told me well, it is like self defense- it is best to know it on the off-chance you need to use it. I would say both of them were right, as I am one of the few people using my building's barbecues who did not get food poisoning or parasites from poorly handled and/or undercooked meat! :P
So, what do I think dating is being replaced with? I think dating is becoming a useless umbrella term. Instead, people will either not date and instead book appointments haha, or they will date. But, when they talk about intentions, it will no longer be oh I am looking to date. I think it will be stuff like I want to hook up, I want to move in together, or I want to get married within a certain time. Basically- pressure, timeline, expectations, arrangements are going to make a comeback; adventurous and aimless are a dating trend that less and less people are willing to go for.
Hope you have a great Friday night and an even better weekend.
Mwah! :)
