Dearest readers, we all know it- chores are a pain! No matter how much we temporarily fool ourselves into believing we are immortal, there's time for everything (let's just take it easy), and all we really have to do is work hard and play hard, the truth is that we are flawed (gasp!) beings that need to clean and maintain ourselves and the spaces we occupy. While chores usually refer to cleaning, cooking, laundry etc, everything is a chore haha. Now even though chores are such a mainstream, mandatory part of staying alive, healthy and sane, they have been politicized and used to push all sorts of agendas for at least decades, especially when it comes to couples. Who should do what? Who's the task master? What should happen if you don't do your chores? Do chores have a gender? If so, let's debate what chore is what gender. The madness of it all seems overwhelming. I have talked with lots of people-singles and couples- and read up a bit on some relevant material. Here, I'd like to go over a few statements that I personally believe are valid in order to get you, dearest readers, to think about chores in an enlightened way, unencumbered by the baggage of the last few decades that chores now come with. In my informed opinion: chores (no longer) have no gender; everyone should know everything; once you pair up and live together, there are no taskmasters because you work by consensus and play to each others' strengths.
Brace yourselves for the first point- this one's a doozy! I hereby claim to believe chores have no gender. Yes, a long time ago, the division of labor and specializations were a major part of life. Women got trained in doing certain tasks well, men got trained in others. Also, what those tasks aka chores were, completely depended on your station in life. For example, noble ladies had to learn how to entertain important guests more so than farm girls. Or, knights had to learn how to lead, kill and survive effectively whereas blacksmith men had to be good at making the tools that knights would use for their chores. One of the reasons why the division of labor and specializations developed as they did was that people back then didn't have machines. Machines and devices, as we know them today, have become the great equalizer and a time saver in terms of many chores out there. You don't have to specialize any more and be very skilled at doing chores because you can finish them in a fraction of what they used to take thanks to progress. Therefore, most chores have become interchangeable. Specialization is also unnecessary because in the past, it was the only way to save time. If you were a woman and really good at laundry, that was the only real way to do it faster and if you were good, you passed that on to other women in the family so they can be fast too. Such optimizations are no longer as relevant; anyone can quickly learn to use a washer and dryer effectively, as well as make a cheat sheet of what laundry products to use in which circumstances etc. But at this point, some people may claim that women pay more attention to detail so they'll clean the house better and so on. Again, I think that's wrong. Men and women share the five basic personality traits that are currently the best predictors of future success as per psychology as a field of study, and both men and women can score anywhere on the scales with each of the five traits. So, you could have men who are neat freaks and will clean a house better, or women who will focus on efficiency and speed of cleaning and just be happy that the place is reasonably cleaner as long as it's in record time.
This brings me to my next claim, which is that everyone should know aka have at least a basic idea of how to do everything. Both guys and girls should be taught how to do all chores- no gender and sex divisions here. If you expose both guys and girls to everything, they will find out what they are best at. Some guys may have a talent for cooking and would never know that if cooking was a chore designated for women. Same way, some women might be better at mowing the lawn because they are highly conscientious and have an eye for aesthetic detail. An added benefit of this is that, once people pair up and move in together, they can have an informed conversation about their experience and skill level with doing chores and see who's got an edge with each one.
This leads me to my final claim. If both people in a couple know how to do all chores, neither can become a taskmaster and boss the other one around, as well as be judge jury and executioner if a chore doesn't get done well enough or not at all .Actually, when both people know how to do all chores and know they have to do them without fail, it takes a lot of pressure and tension out of the relationship. All you have to do is see, over time, who's better at what and reach a consensus on who does what and to what level of satisfaction. It becomes a true union of equals, not taskmaster and servant.
Now, I realize that not everyone was brought up in this spirit. Also, I know that if you're rich, you'll outsource most chores to other people and companies. But, for the rest of us, it's worth it to consider the claims that I'm making because they may pave the way to a better way of doing things and to much more harmonious relationships.
Thoughts? :)
Brace yourselves for the first point- this one's a doozy! I hereby claim to believe chores have no gender. Yes, a long time ago, the division of labor and specializations were a major part of life. Women got trained in doing certain tasks well, men got trained in others. Also, what those tasks aka chores were, completely depended on your station in life. For example, noble ladies had to learn how to entertain important guests more so than farm girls. Or, knights had to learn how to lead, kill and survive effectively whereas blacksmith men had to be good at making the tools that knights would use for their chores. One of the reasons why the division of labor and specializations developed as they did was that people back then didn't have machines. Machines and devices, as we know them today, have become the great equalizer and a time saver in terms of many chores out there. You don't have to specialize any more and be very skilled at doing chores because you can finish them in a fraction of what they used to take thanks to progress. Therefore, most chores have become interchangeable. Specialization is also unnecessary because in the past, it was the only way to save time. If you were a woman and really good at laundry, that was the only real way to do it faster and if you were good, you passed that on to other women in the family so they can be fast too. Such optimizations are no longer as relevant; anyone can quickly learn to use a washer and dryer effectively, as well as make a cheat sheet of what laundry products to use in which circumstances etc. But at this point, some people may claim that women pay more attention to detail so they'll clean the house better and so on. Again, I think that's wrong. Men and women share the five basic personality traits that are currently the best predictors of future success as per psychology as a field of study, and both men and women can score anywhere on the scales with each of the five traits. So, you could have men who are neat freaks and will clean a house better, or women who will focus on efficiency and speed of cleaning and just be happy that the place is reasonably cleaner as long as it's in record time.
This brings me to my next claim, which is that everyone should know aka have at least a basic idea of how to do everything. Both guys and girls should be taught how to do all chores- no gender and sex divisions here. If you expose both guys and girls to everything, they will find out what they are best at. Some guys may have a talent for cooking and would never know that if cooking was a chore designated for women. Same way, some women might be better at mowing the lawn because they are highly conscientious and have an eye for aesthetic detail. An added benefit of this is that, once people pair up and move in together, they can have an informed conversation about their experience and skill level with doing chores and see who's got an edge with each one.
This leads me to my final claim. If both people in a couple know how to do all chores, neither can become a taskmaster and boss the other one around, as well as be judge jury and executioner if a chore doesn't get done well enough or not at all .Actually, when both people know how to do all chores and know they have to do them without fail, it takes a lot of pressure and tension out of the relationship. All you have to do is see, over time, who's better at what and reach a consensus on who does what and to what level of satisfaction. It becomes a true union of equals, not taskmaster and servant.
Now, I realize that not everyone was brought up in this spirit. Also, I know that if you're rich, you'll outsource most chores to other people and companies. But, for the rest of us, it's worth it to consider the claims that I'm making because they may pave the way to a better way of doing things and to much more harmonious relationships.
Thoughts? :)